All the Things I Need to Say: Ramblings of a Working Mom Six Months In

I've tried to write all these blog posts lately and I never seem to finish them. To be honest, I think it's because I just don't have the heart. I'm trying to be lighthearted and put on a good face and be upbeat, but it's just not there. So here's all the things that I've been trying not to say, but I think I need to say.

This is hard. Being a mom is hard. Being a working mom and keeping your ish together is freaking hard. This is nothing against a stay at home mom, our struggles are different, but I've accepted the fact that I'm losing the battle at keeping things together. I've been pumping full time, working full time, mom-ing full time and half you-know-what-ing the rest.

I hate the term "little one." I can't say it, it makes me want to gag because I feel like someone completely not me when I say it and it makes me crazy. Maybe it's my hormones? I don't know.

Daycare is not raising my kid. Someone said that to me while I was pregnant, that they wanted to stop working before they had children because they didn't want someone else raising their child. That's great that you feel that way. That you have the ability to do that, but not everyone does. Daycare isn't raising Carter. They are taking care of him and building on what he learns at home. We are his parents, we are raising him.

I like that he's in daycare. I grew up in daycare. I wasn't traumatized, I don't need therapy. He gets to play with other kids, have other adults love on him. And he's going to have one amazing immune system when he's done.

God did not make me to be a stay-at-home-mom and that's okay. I've always known that. Maternity leave just reinforced it. And it's okay. I'm still a good mom, I still love my baby more than anything. And I hope that growing up with a mom that works, that has a career that she's really good at, teaches him respect for strong women and to not be scared of them.

Don't make a face at me when I tell you the above. You don't get it, it's cool. But I still love my baby and that's all you need to know.

Breastfeeding is hard, full-time pumping is harder. I breastfed for two weeks and have pumped ever since. I've made it six months. In the beginning, two months was my goal and then I changed it to six. And, as only a mom will understand, while I'm almost completely weaned, there's still a part of me that feels bad for not continuing. Even though I know he's healthy and fine on formula and, honestly, has been more formula than not for a while, I still feel guilty for choosing me and my sanity over continuing to pump full time.

Mom guilt is real. Period.

I hate my postpartum body, but I hate it a little less every day. There are blogs out there about how women love their bodies because it gave life to their babies, but I'm going to be real and tell you that I hate this body. In a way, I'm in awe of it. It went through some crazy crap to have Carter. Pre-eclampsia, cardiac issues, etc. I'm still on blood pressure medication six months later. But I also hate it. I worked so, so hard to lose weight. To be okay with where I was and here I am, back at square one. I've slowly started to shed the remaining 20ish pounds, but it's slow going. And until then, I'm lumpy and feel about as unattractive as I can get. But each day, I make a little more progress and I hate it a little less.

I sometimes don't know who I am anymore. I don't think there is enough talk about loss of identity when you have a baby. No one tells you that while you will love that baby more than anything, you'll also mourn a part of yourself. Some women grow up dreaming about being wives and mothers. That wasn't me. I wasn't even sure I wanted kids. I was, and still am, fiercely independent. Aaron and I were at the, "If it happens, great, if not, great" point. And in one fell swoop, two weeks early, my entire world changed. As the mom, you are the end all, be all. You no longer matter. This tiny person becomes your everything, your master. I taught my body how to go hours without eating or, alternatively, how to subsist on fruit snacks. I learned how to pee holding a screaming, wiggling baby. Your husband can help to a point, but there are some things he can't do. And he can't help what switched in you. My entire personality altered. When Carter screams, I literally feel like someone is pulling my heart out of my chest. I can't explain that to someone that has not birthed a baby. Now world events that have nothing to do with me freak me out in a way I can't explain. There are days that I honestly have no idea who I am.

Carter is the best thing I've ever done. I say all of the above because it's true. And yet, despite all of those feelings, he is truly the best thing I've ever done. It's so fascinating to watch his little personality grow and change. To watch him learn how to do things. To find the parts of Aaron and I in him and the things that are all him. And that smile when he sees me in the morning or when I come home after work is the best part of every day. My cousin once posted that parenthood can be summed up as, "I can't wait to see who you become, but slow down a little." I've never heard truer words.

We're all just trying to do the best by our kids. Social media is wrong - most moms feel your pain and want to help you. They don't want to judge you. They might not get you (see the part about not wanting to stay at home), but most moms just want to help. We've all survived those first few crazy, exhaustion blurred months. We've had people give us things and we want to pass those on to you (and clean out our houses). I've met some of the best women and have found rest and support from people in a way I never would have imagined since joining the mom club.

At the same time, my secret favorite thing to do before bed is read all the comments on the Facebook click-bait baby, breast feeding and first-time-mom articles. Those women are crazy and I love it. It's a train wreck and makes me feel like a better person. It's okay to judge me for this.    

Being a mom is hard. Being a working mom is the hardest thing I've ever done. And I'm saying all these things on the off-chance that there's another mama out there that feels even one of them. Because everyone wants to say the nice, pretty things. But those don't help you when the walls are closing in. And they do, I've felt them more than once.  But they also open back up and you find your footing. I've found that this crazy, exhausting time is one big paradox.  Because while it's the hardest thing I've ever done, it's also the best. And for every time I think I'm going to lose it, I'm given at least three more reason why I'm not. 

You've got this mama.  And, if you don't, go read some click-bait article comments. You'll feel a lot better.

Sarah the Mother Pumper: Our Breastfeeding Journey

A while back, I had an email from Aeroflow (where I got my pump) asking for Mother Pumper stories. I was still in the new mom with a newborn fog, so I didn't send in my story. Now that I'm back at work and have been a Mother Pumper for over four months and the fog has lifted a little, I decided it was time to share my story as a Mother Pumper! There's even a Mother Pumper blog community. So cool!

I've only blogged a few times since having Carter. I've wanted to write about breastfeeding, about our journey with it because people talk about it, but usually in a this or that way is best, not a
"this is how we did it".  Breastfeeding is such a hot topic and sparks fire in the hearts of many mamas for one reason: your ability to be a good mom comes into question. Or at least it feels that way. Personally, I think that we moms are more alike than not, so sharing your story helps others that are like you find their way and peace with their decision.

When I was pregnant, I was asked by oh so many women, "Are you going to breastfeed?" and I would reply that I was going to try. I was a some breastfed, mostly formula fed baby. My mom has worked my entire life. I knew that I was going back to work, so I really wasn't tied to one way of feeding over the other. I just knew that I wanted to try. To give it an honest go and, if it didn't work out, be able to say that I gave it my all and it just wasn't for us.

My favorite quote about breastfeeding actually came from the social worker that we spoke with before leaving the hospital. It has stuck with me and provided sanity in many stressful moments: For something that is so natural, it sure as heck doesn't just happen naturally.

So, so true. At least for me.

Our breastfeeding story begins with my labor and the word magnesium.

I hate that word. When we were leaving the hospital, I told Aaron that I was going to make a sign with three terms (blood pressure, magnesium and breastfeeding) and if someone said one of the words in the house, they were going to be kicked out. Immediately.

I had preeclampsia. I was induced two weeks early because of it.  One of these days I will get around to writing out Carter's birth story if only for me to remember just how crazy it was and how blessed we are. The treatment for preeclampsia is to have the baby. If you're like me, you're given magnesium. It's a muscle relaxer that helps prevent seizures.  It can make you very tired and loopy. In my hospital, you aren't allowed to eat (you could asphyxiate) and you are tied to the bed. You get a catheter and you're bedridden until you're off the mag.  You're also on magnesium for 24 hours after you have the baby.  And, because it makes you tired and loopy, you aren't allowed to be alone with the baby. Magnesium also can cause a delay in your milk coming in. It's fun. Not.

One of my first photos with Little Man. This was after we left labor and delivery.

Since I had magnesium, Carter had magnesium too. When babies are born, they are very sleepy. I've read that it's best to feed them within the first hour or two because of the sleepiness (but I'm not a doctor, so don't quote me on that). Because Carter had mag in his system, he was even sleepier than usual and had no interest in eating. We did skin to skin as soon as he was born. We tried to breastfeed him. It also didn't help that I didn't have any milk (because of the mag). We sent him to the nursery the first night because I was still on magnesium, so I couldn't help Aaron, and we'd both been up for about 24 hours at that point. They gave him some formula through a syringe in the nursery so he wouldn't starve.

The nurses kept saying, "He'll eat when he's hungry." And we kept trying. But my milk didn't come in and he didn't eat. And then all of the sudden it was, "You need to breastfeed your baby now. He needs to eat, he's dropped 13% below his birth weight."

You want to feel like a terrible parent? Like you've totally failed and it's only day 2? That's how you do it.

Thankfully, the same nurse that delivered that lovely statement was also willing to help us. And was probably the most helpful of everyone, including the lactation consultants. Her name was Sarah (I knew she was good people!). She came to see us every three hours that night and taught us how to do SNS.  With SNS, you're simulating breastfeeding with formula.  The idea is to stimulate your breasts so that milk does come in and teaches the baby how to breastfeed. You put the formula into a vial that hooks onto your bra at your shoulder. It uses gravity and suction from the baby to deliver the formula through a tiny tube that goes into a nipple shield.  It's a pain in the butt to set up and I honestly couldn't have done it without Aaron. We did this every three hours for 2 or 3 days.

We met with lactation consultants. They checked and made sure he didn't have a lip or tongue tie. He had a small tongue tie, but the LC told us it was small and would take care of itself. By the time we left the hospital (5 days later), the nurses and lactation consultants were all proud of us and impressed by what we had done.  One of the LCs even brought us a crocheted blanket and cap for Carter.

This is my one and only photo of Carter breastfeeding. I never planned to document it, but his little face was so precious that I couldn't not capture the moment. 

When we got home, the SNS went out the door. My milk had started to come in, so I breastfed with a nipple shield, because apparently I have flat nipples (the world told me this) and we supplemented with formula. We were on a strict schedule with a certain amount we had to bottle feed him in order to get him back up to his birth weight. I would feed him, then supplement and then pump. And it hurt. Lord the nipple shield hurt. Because it felt like a bottle, I got treated like a bottle. We lost the nipple shield once. I used one that was too small until we replaced it. And then my nipples started to bleed.

It was rough. I lasted about two weeks at home. I caught myself getting mad at Carter because of how much work it was and how hard it was to get him to latch. I was mad because it hurt. Because I was mentally and physically exhausted. Because my body was still reeling from everything. And that  bleeding nipple with blood in the nipple shield was the last straw.

At that point, I decided to stop breastfeeding and to just pump. For my sanity. We were already supplementing with formula and he was doing fine. Aaron was fine with me stopping all together, but I felt like I could keep pumping. Also, formula is expensive and we were about to be broke from daycare.

Today, I pump four to five times a day. I produce between 14 and 16 ounces a day and he eats around 32 ounces. We've been doing this for 4 months now.

Here's my schedule, especially now that I'm working:

5:30 AM - 20 minute pumping session
9:30 AM - 15 minute pumping session
1:30 PM - 15 minute pumping session
5:00 PM - 15 minute pumping session
10:00 PM - 20 minute pumping session

I can honestly say that this is probably more work than just breastfeeding. There are so many pump parts and bottles to wash. And I know the tricks of the trade and how to make life easier. I've also now pumped while road tripping and flying for work training. It just is what it is. But I always knew that I'd be pumping when I went back to work. And pumping also allowed Aaron to share in the joy of middle of the night feedings.

Right now, my goal is six months. I used to say anything after that was gravy, but considering I've dreamed about chucking the pump out the window while flying down the interstate, I'm going to say that's probably not going to happen.

My name is Sarah. This is my happy, healthy and growing baby boy named Carter. He's breast and formula fed. Mostly, he's just fed. I'm a proud breastfeeding, working mother pumper.   

On Your First Father's Day

On your first Father's Day, I have much to say.

I've been writing this in my head for a while now. And you're probably going to be annoyed that I wrote this, because you aren't a writer. But I am. And this, all of this, needs to be said.

We've been a family, you and me, for five years this year. And that, in and of itself, is pretty awesome. But in February, we grew. We became a family of three. We added a nugget, Carter. And I remember what life was like before Carter, but at the same time, I don't. He has completely and utterly consumed our lives as we once knew them. And the man that I've loved for the past 8 plus years was completely and utterly consumed and changed by him, too. So was I. We've changed.

But it's for the better.

I've been told that your love for your spouse changes when you have kids. And it's true. It's so very, very true. Before, you were my other half and my partner in crime. Now? You're my partner in the trenches. You've now seen the worst of the worst. We survived five days in a hospital room without any (additional) bloodshed. We've survived sleepless nights and have learned how to function in a constant state of exhaustion. You're the one that picks up my slack when I have nothing left to give. The one that gets to experience my most epic meltdowns, and yet, you're still here. The only thing I do that you don't in this parenting adventure is pump and produce milk.

Though, I'm sure you might try if you could.

Most importantly, though, you're the best dad I could have asked for Carter.

Sometimes, I wonder if we should have done this earlier. But I think this is just right. We're the people we need to be for Carter. One minute sooner and the three of us would have been different people.  It would all be so different.

So, on your first Father's Day, I want you to know this:

For all the joking around and silliness you contain, of which is endless, you are the best partner I could ask for. You wake up early so you can help get Carter ready in the morning so it's not just me. You stay up with me until my last pump, even though you could go to bed a lot earlier. When we go out, you take care of everything. I've gotten really spoiled by it, honestly. You are the best bottle washer. Hands down (don't worry, I'll keep washing them, too).  But even though all of that is amazing (and trust me, it is), the best part is watching you with the nugget.

Listening to bath time is my favorite and melts my heart every time. Watching his little face when he realizes it's you is the best. He looks at you like you're the coolest thing in the world. It has been my privilege these past four months to watch you grow and become one awesome dad. And now the rest of the world knows it too. As they should.

I hope to never have to do this parent thing without you.  You are forever my first favorite. Stupid movies, jokes and useless nipples aside.

Paul Walker ain't got nothing on you.

Happy First Father's Day.

Love, your tribe.

Measuring Success: Back at Square One - 5/31/18

Hi! Do you know who I am? I feel like I should reintroduce myself, it's been so long! I'm Sarah, this is my blog and I'm now a mom. Also, if you could see the number of draft blog posts I have that I started and never finished. It's kind of sad. But babies. Man, they rock your world. So I thought, what better way to start back the blog than with a back at square one Measuring Success?!

My last measuring success post was January 31. So it's been four months. I worked out most of my pregnancy, right up until about 32 weeks. That's when everything became uncomfortable. I'm proud of myself for doing what I did. And I'd like to think it made a difference, but sometimes I wonder. If nothing else, it helped me feel more human and not so...huge. Like, I might be huge, but at least I'm strong and capable and huge. In the end, I was induced two weeks early due to pre-eclampsia.

Working out at 31, almost 32, weeks pregnant

I like to say that pre-eclampsia hit me like a train. I was fine, or mostly fine, and then I wasn't. High blood pressure runs in my family. Part of the reason why I work out like I do is because between the high blood pressure on one side and high cholesterol on the other, I'm a walking time bomb. I had mildly high blood pressure during the pregnancy. I was watched and was on 81 mg of Aspirin as a precaution, but that was it. Towards the end, they did a urine test and I had high levels of protein, the other indicator of pre-clampsia. So, I went in for a normal blood pressure check on my lunch hour on a Thursday, was induced that night and Mr. Carter made his entrance that Friday. Two weeks early. My blood pressure wasn't that bad that day, but by the time I was in labor, it was hitting 185/105. There were a bunch of things that happened that made for what my nurses called "a traumatic labor." My sweet baby has one gigantic dome piece (as I lovingly call it) and gave me a stage 3 tear (4 being the worst). So, suffice it to say, getting back to working out was not the easiest in the world.

I was cleared by my doctor at six weeks postpartum to start working out again. I started with walking with Aaron and Carter, then yin yoga, and barre. After I gave up my donut (not the one you eat), I finally got the nerve to sit on a spin bike and two weeks ago, I did my first boot camp class.

And it is quite literally starting back at square one. Bootcamp is probably the hardest. I spend half the class thinking, "Man, I'm fat. This is sad" as I am literally the very last one when we run. I spend the other half thinking, "I just had a baby and I haven't died or puked yet. YES!" But I keep going back because each time, I can do a little more and feel a little stronger.

Sometimes, I feel like all that working out I did when I was pregnant was for nothing. Like I might as well have not done it. I was doing 10 and 12 lb hand weights before getting pregnant and now I'm back to 5 lb. I haven't even attempted the 8 lb yet. And when we run in class, I'm dead last. We're talking a good two to three minutes behind everyone else.

But I'm doing it. I'm back in the gym. We're walking as a family. I'm working out at least 3 days a week. And I might be the very last person in class, when running, but I finish those runs. I'm running three months after having a baby. With a big ol' head. And for all of that, I'm proud of me.

I'm defining this as a success. Because it's hard. It's all hard. Having a baby is hard. Taking care of a newborn is hard and I have one of the best, most supportive and helpful husbands on the planet. Going back to work is hard. Getting back in shape and healthy is hard. It's all hard. So I count the fact that I'm doing something and going back every week as a success. I've had so many people tell me that I wouldn't get back in the gym after Carter. I wouldn't be able to work out. But we make it work because I need to be healthy for him. And for me.

So if you're a new mom, or any mom, trying to get back in shape, you can do it. You just need to find what works for you and get ready to work hard. And find you a tribe. Because this momma thing is hard. Every time I think it's getting easier, something new happens and I'm back at square one.

If you've stuck with this post to this point, you're awesome and I love you. I had a lot to say! But, let's get back to the progress!

1 week postpartum versus 3 months postpartum

Pregnancy Weight Gained: 50 lb
Weight Lost: 24 lb
Weight to Lose: 26 lb

Here I am. Back at square one. At the beginning of my new journey.

A Curious George Nursery

Today makes three weeks old for Carter and survival of my first week alone with him. Mom went back home last Friday and Aaron's been on his regular work schedule plus working a little late.  And, Carter is officially back up to his birth weight! It's a big week around here. So, to celebrate, I'm finally posting about Carter's nursery, his Curious George nursery to be exact. Because it's pretty dang awesome.

Before we found out that we were having a boy, I had already decided that we wanted to do a Curious George themed nursery. Also, I don't really think of it as a nursery, just Carter's room. But the world calls it a nursery, so I am. I digress. I figured either way, it would work. We could do blue walls for a boy and yellow for a girl. Turns out, finding Curious George decor is harder than you might think. Pottery Barn Kids had a bedding set a few years ago, but it's discontinued now, so it's not easy to find. And when you do, the prices are jacked up. So I looked on Pinterest, found a few ideas and went from there.

Our friend Kim is an art teacher, so we asked her to do a mural. We found a scene in the original Curious George book and gave that to her for inspiration, but the rest she did herself.  Overall, the project took about three months from beginning to end. Not that it was hard, but Aaron painted the room and trim himself, then Kim worked on her winter break. Then we had to wait for furniture to arrive...then my kid made his appearance two weeks early. We still aren't completely finished as we're waiting on our newborn photos and I want to print some of those and some from our maternity shoot and hang them in his room.  But it's kind of like your house - if you wait until you're done, it's never going to be done!

Aaron and I picked out the main color on the first try. I was actually really impressed with our color picking skills! We went to Lowe's found one we liked, did a swatch and decided it was the one. You'll have to forgive the lighting in these photos. His room is on the back of the house and doesn't get a lot of natural light. We went ahead and measured out the outline of the crib on the wall so that the mural would frame it.  It's a big tall crib and I didn't want it to mess with George.

Aaron also felt the need to label the large box on the wall. You know, just in case someone was confused. 

Then Kim started work.  I documented the progress because it was so cool to watch. She took the photo from the book and then made adjustments so that it wouldn't be too busy on the wall and would work with the furniture.  She also sketched everything free hand.  Be impressed.

The first day, she sketched and painted the grass. Then she worked on George and the Man in the Yellow hat. 

Next came the balloons and trees. And the outlining! The outlining really made everything pop!

The final details were the mushrooms and pink flowers.  Aaron is still having moments over the pink flowers in his boy's bedroom. 

We waited until after our baby shower to order the furniture. And let me tell you, it gave this mom some heartburn! We went ahead and ordered the chair early. It was a custom chair, so we needed to give it 4-6 weeks to arrive. Our baby shower was on January 27 and at that point, I knew I was going to be induced by February 23 at the latest. We ordered the furniture online with a two week delivery time frame.  It was delivered on February 9, which was good since they induced me on the 16th. Photos of the finished nursery are below with links in case you want to copy us!

The crib and dresser are both from Buy Buy Baby and are from the BassetBaby Parker collection. It's not cheap, but it's a convertible crib that will go from crib to toddler bed to full size bed. And it's made of sturdier wood than some of the others, so I'm hoping it withstands Carter probably trying to eat it. The mobile and hamper are also from Buy Buy Baby. For the bedding, I didn't try and do anything too crazy. I went with either solid colored sheets (I have light blue and yellow) or a monkey themed print that I found. 

You'll also notice a beautiful Curious George blanket on the chair.  My mom made that. It's been my friend more than Carter's lately as I use it to cover my legs while breast feeding and/or pumping in the middle of the night!

And that chair. If you're going to breastfeed, get a really comfy chair with arm rests. Life saver!

For added storage, we just did a simple nine-cubby storage shelf. We actually found this on NextDoor for $20. I got the bins and labels at Target.  The space above the cubbies is probably where we will hang the maternity and newborn photos.  My plan is to arrange them around the invitation from the baby shower. 

Finally, another angle of the room to see some of the dresser. We splurged and purchased the changing gallery for the dresser. It was an added cost, but it's made life so easy. We have everything right in arm's reach when changing Carter.  Also, this is our favorite changing pad cover.  The middle is a plastic-like material that wipes down really easily, but the whole thing can be thrown in the washing machine and dryer. The sides are a really soft, minky material. 

I'm so stinking happy with how his room turned out. It's so cute and I love that no one else will have a room just like this.  He's also blessed to have lots of talented and crafty ladies that love him. I plan on doing another post to highlight all of the beautiful handmade items that we've received for him. He's a lucky little man to have such talented ladies in his life!

I hope he loves this room for a long time to come. If not, I'll just enjoy sitting in there with him until he demands it be changed. Happy Friday everyone!

Bumpdate: Hello Mr. Carter!

Hi friends! It has been a long, long time since I've posted a blog on here! And that's for a very good reason. Our little boy made his appearance two weeks early on February 16, 2018!

Meet Mr. Carter Hollon Zinn. Born at 1:59 PM, Friday, February 16.  He was 8 pounds, 1 oz and 20 inches long.  I'm still working on his birth story, mostly because it's kinda crazy, but I though it only fitting to introduce on during my regularly schedule bumpdate post!

Carter's name was a mystery to everyone until he was born. Aaron and I had come up with two names that we liked, but hadn't settled on either one until we were in the hospital.  We'd also decided not to tell anyone the name ahead of time, much to the dismay of the grandparents.  There is no special meaning behind his first name, we just happened to like it! His middle name, however, is for my family.  I'm the last Davenport (only child and a girl!) and I wanted to carry a part of that family forward, but not necessarily Davenport. It's a little long for a middle name.  But the name Hollon is a family name.  It goes back to my dad's grandfather.  Starting with him, all the males had the middle name Hollon.  I thought it would be a very cool way to carry a piece of my family forward and let Mr. Carter be the fourth male with the middle name Hollon. Not to mention my Poppa Hollon was a remarkable man with an amazing story. All of my grandparents were, actually.

Today is Carter's actual due date and he's already two weeks old.  It's amazing the little personalities babies have.  I'm amazed each day by this tiny, perfect, complete human that somehow Aaron and I created and I grew. So far we know that he loves to be swaddled. He even earned the nickname Carter Burrito because of it! He loves sleeping on your chest.  He knows who dad is and loves to hang out with him after work.  The kid hates to be naked (truly, no idea where he gets that from - who actually likes to wear pants?!) Baths are pretty much the most traumatic thing ev-er. And he's actually a pretty chill, happy baby. He really only cries when there is something to cry about - hungry, diaper change, cold, hot, gassy. Otherwise, he's just happy to sleep or chill out with you.

First photo with dad. 

First photo with mom. 

Crabby burrito. 

It's been a wild two weeks. We spent the first 5 days of his life in the hospital and the next 3 shuffling both of us back and forth to doctor appointments. We have two more this week, then hopefully life returns back to our new normal. Aaron stayed home with us the first week and my mom came up and helped after that. I'm so grateful for both because this mom thing isn't always easy. Mostly kind of crazy. But worth it. So very worth it.

Next week I'll be back with some semblance of posts, ha. And I hope you like reading about mom life - because that's where I'll be until mid-May when I go back to work. Then it'll be working mom life! Happy Friday everyone!

Measuring Success and Bumpdate - 1/31/18

It's been a while since I've done one of these! My sporadic blogging has not been the best for keeping up with post schedules, ha.  But this will probably be the last bumpdate before Little Man gets here, so I thought it important to actually do it! I also have some fun photos with life updates.

How far along: 35 weeks + 6 days (Friday is 36 weeks, holy crap!)

Size of Baby: Canary Melon

Cravings: I haven't really had any cravings per se, lately. I'm all about the sugar and not about cooking, at all. I've eaten more fast food in the past two weeks than I probably have in a year. Sorry kid. My taste buds totally changed this week and foods that I've enjoyed before are totally revolting now. I have no idea why my body decided to wait the better part of 9 months to do this, but here we are.

Weird stuff: Where do I begin? Apparently, the third trimester is when it gets real for me. I have carpal tunnel in my right arm. Really bad. I'm sleeping in a brace and sometimes I can't even squeeze bottles with that hand. It's my dominant hand, so that doesn't help. Mostly, though, I just feel like I've been hit by a bus. Every. Single. Day. That whole, "get your rest!" thing apparently doesn't apply to my body. Also, I've lost a good three to four inches off my reach, thanks to my belly. It's highly entertaining to watch me try and put away dishes right now.

Fun stuff: We had our showers this past week! I had a surprise baby shower with some of my old co-workers on Friday at Nantucket Grill. I was supposed to be having lunch with my former boss, one of my favorite people ever, and when I got there, she led me to the back where about 5 ladies were waiting for me. It was so sweet and totally made my week! One of them even brought me a donut tree from my favorite bakery in Sanford!

I had my main baby shower on Saturday. My friends Hannah and Sarah planned a beautiful Curious George themed shower (our nursery theme!) with my mom, mother-in-law and sister-in-law helping out. Sarah made a ridiculous and amazing cake that tasted as good as it looked! And my favorite part was the Curious George book that they used as a guestbook. There were so many cute details! I loved every minute and I can honestly say that there are few times you feel more loved in life than in a big group of women that are excited for the next phase of your life and already love your kid, long before he's even here.

Me and my wonderful hostesses!

Deviled egg babies!

My Curious George cake made by my friend Sarah Schaefer.

I actually have my work baby shower today. Truly, it's hard to feel anything less than super loved and blessed at this point.

The other cool thing this month is that I was asked to speak to a MOPS (Mothers of Pre-Schoolers) group in Fayetteville. They asked that I speak about body image, food prep, etc. based on what I talk about on this blog. As a blogger and someone that has struggled with her weight and appearance, it was such a fun experience for me and also super flattering that someone wanted me to come speak to a group!

Weight gained: So, I looked at the scale last month. It was a terrible, horrible number that I won't even tell you. At that point, I hadn't gained 50 pounds. It was more like 38. That was depressing and I won't be doing that again.

Exercise: Up until about 33 weeks, I was doing just dandy. I could still do some spin classes, pilates, yoga and barre. And then, it magically went away. Spin became 45 minutes of pure uncomfortable hell. It hurt to sit (too much pressure) and hurt to stand (my feet went numb). I felt like all I did was kick the crap out of my kid when spinning sitting down, so I decided to just stop. Walking in general is a work out right now. So I'm down to yoga and barre, two classes a week. I do what I can. It's so modified it's not even funny. For example, I can't do down dog without getting massive acid reflux, so I stick to table top and child's pose. But, going back to that grace thing, I'm okay with it.  My friend Josh told me I was a beast to have made it this long, so I'm going with that. 

Endurance: It's gone. That's all.

About this time next month, Little Man should be here. The doctors don't want me to go past a certain point, but who knows the exact day of his arrival at this point. I will say that pregnancy has been a ride. Not a bad one, it's been fairly good to me, but I also never realized the things your body goes through to grow a human. I'm proud of what I've been able to do and keep doing and I hope that we both benefit from all that exercise! Happy hump day friends!